Thursday, November 28, 2013

How the Grinch Tried to Steal Thanksgiving!

Bringing back one of my favorite Thanksgiving columns.  Oh how true it is. 

Happy Thanksgiving, 2013.  Hope you have a wonderful holiday. 



 “You're a monster, Mr. Grinch,
Your heart's an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders,
you have garlic in your soul  Mr. Gri-inch
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole. ”
How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Every Who Down in AnyAmericantown liked Thanksgiving a lot…
But the Grinch, Who lived in a White House on a hill, did NOT!
The Grinch hated Thanksgiving and
for the love of “America and family” it represented
for the haves and have-nots!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
Could it be he wasn’t an American?

"Bah! Humbug!", we say!

The most likely reason of all,
May have been that his ego was two sizes too tall.
Whatever the reason, his ego or his shoes,
He stood there on the week of Thanksgiving, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his DC castle with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their AnyAmericantown.

For he knew every Who down in the town below,
Was busy making plans to celebrate family, freedom, and turkey,
in the new fallen snow!

“I’ll get those darn 1%'s right where it hurts!” he snarled with a sneer,
Today is the day before Thanksgiving! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop them from coming!”
For Wednesday, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their tickets,
their bags, and their dough!

One last trip before the government grows 
and takes all their money to give to some does!

They’d get in their cars and ride through the snow
To Dulles to Reagan to Dallas Ft. Worth
From RDU to O’Hare to LAX
The crowds would commence
And the atmosphere would become extremely intense
When those Whos displayed the “Declaration of Independence”!

But the TSA didn’t care,
the Messiah, aka Grinch, had ordered them to begin
The search for “weapons of liberty” in crevices of men.

And then! Oh, then! NOISE! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!

The Noise of those who believed in the Constitution,
God, freedom, and liberty,
Who knew their rights and made it be known
TSA get your hands off, do you have no shame?
Dare touch us where the sun doesn’t shine.
And you may end up lame!

Lame as a Walter Dalton campaign
 who blew their chance,
Now BevPart2 and friends can go home
And watch the rest of us in NC dance!

Back to the story of the Whos, young and old,
Will they crouch down in shame.
Or will they fret? Or will they fight?
No they will reject and shout with all might…

"Freedom prevails! The Whos will not cave.
Our heroes, the Founding Fathers are turning in their grave!
No President, no foe, no terrorist, you know..
Can defeat the exceptionalism of  those who live in the home of the brave!”

But while evil Pelosi, Reid and the Grinch try to feast on Who-fears,
Whos in AnyAmericantown still roasted their birds and tipped their glasses
To the freedom and liberties of lads and lasses!

The Grinch couldn’t stand this, not in the least!
How dare those Who's have a feast!
So he sent the Black Panthers, the unions, and Eric to police!

But the Who's in AnyAmericantown, the tall and the small,
resisted the urge to ceast.
Instead, they stood close together, hand in hand, with dinner bells ringing.

And they started shouting! Oh how they shouted! 
And they shouted! And they shouted even louder!

“God Bless America!“

And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Turkey Sing,
The more the Grinch realized, he really couldn't stop this whole thing. 

As he shook his head he said...
“America does prevails, no matter what chaos I bring!"

Amen. Happy Thanksgiving,  America.


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