Editor's Note: This is a reprint from a column I posted last Christmas on the other blog I use to write.
Twas the night before Christmas, Sheila Style
Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the House
Each member was stirring,
playing with pages and not with their spouse.
The peasants were nestled,
all snug in their beds
While visions of free health care
danced in their heads;
And mamma Nancy in her kerchief,
and boy Harry in his cap,
Had just settled down
for a long America destroying legislative wrap.
When out on the White House lawn,
there arose such a clatter
Bama sprang from the bed
to see what was the matter.
Away to the window
he flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters
and threw up on Michelle’s sash!
The moon on the breast
of the global warming snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to Bama’s eyes should appear,
But a sleigh full of rednecks, lipstick, guns, and gear.
With a brown- haired driver, so lively and quick,
He knew in a moment it wasn’t St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“Now, McCain, now Putin, now Teddy, now Osama,
On Chavez, on Jesse, on Sharpton, on Boehner
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now fire away! Fire away! Don’t let that deer fall!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the White House the coursers they flew
With a sleigh full of ammo, and Sarah Palin too!
And then, in a twinkling, Bama heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little boot.
As Bama drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney, she came with a hound.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all bought with hard earned loot.
A sack of surprises, she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a hockey mom ready to attack.
Her eyes – how they twinkled!
Her dimples, how merry!
It was so cold in that room,
her nose looked like a cherry.
Her lips were all painted, in Avon Ruby Red,
Bama was shaking so hard, he fell off the bed.
She was pretty and pumped,
kinda “rogue”, you might say,
And proudly displaying the shotgun
she received as a member of the NRA.
Bama scattered to hide,
but it was too late,
His nightmare was real, he WAS awake.
She went straight to her work, unpacking her bag
Pulling out the documents, the Founding Fathers had tagged.
The Constitution she held tightly in her hand
While shaking it violently at Bama for his anti-American stand.
She quoted word for word, even the bills
And no where did she find, Healthcare was a frill.
She told him the Declaration of Independence
gave Americans a choice,
And sooner or later, he would hear all the voices.
Beware! She said, the sleeping giant has awakened,
Thank you Bama, for the anti-stance you have taken
You’ve made us realize, we are still a great nation.
Now America isn’t lost, no matter what you try
The spirit, the people, well, we haven’t died.
She turned and filled his stocking
with classics from Coulter, O’Reilly, and Beck,
Gave him a subscription to The Limbaugh Letter,
then said “oh what the heck”,
I’ll throw in The Constitution,
and of course, a copy of “Going Rogue”,
Read them, Bama, for they will comfort your soul.
She packed up her bag quickly,
and said Goodbye,
While Bama crouched in a corner,
with tears in his eyes.
She shot off some rounds,
twisted her nose,
Reapplied her lipstick and up the chimney she rose.
Bama ran to the window, to watch the sight.
And he heard her exclaim as she rode into the night,
“Merry Christmas America,
the Beautiful, the proud, and the free!”
You’ve had too much whiskey!”