Sunday, April 29, 2012

Editor's Endorsements Part 1

Dear all, 

I think its about time to give you my endorsements.  Although it will break many, many rules, I simply must do it.   The inadvertantly endorsements of the good old Sanford boys have given me inspiration.  Why not do my own?  Who cares about rules?  Who cares who will be running to the phone to call and rat on me? 

So today I'll start with my first endorsement.  Although the race won't be finalized until November, I'm going to announce who I want for President and VP.  Yes, I'm going to get it over with.  They have a heck of a campaign slogan:

Vote for us and America won't need the Secret Service, ICE, Border Patrol, CZARs, Immigration Policy, nor HR 347. We ain't Wimps!

So here you go, I endorse, yes Mrs. Barber endorses:

Ted Nugent for President
 Chuck Norris for Vice President

My kind of candidates!  They are tough, rough, and made of steel.  There somebody quick get on the phone and rat on me.  I'm a big girl.  Stay cool!  No problem.  I will gladly resign any public position because I be doggone I just can't wait to tell you who I want.  Truth matters a whole heck of a lot more than some position.  And I can bet'cha Ted and Chuck won't pretend who they are.  They don't need to. What you see on Sunday you get on Monday.

I read this the other day about Chuck.  You need to know these things.  He's been vetted before he takes office (novel idea, don't you think) and he is a man of his word.  Quite courteous.  Acts with Complete Honesty.  Loves cooperation.  Don't you wish everybody was that way?  Some claim to be but their actions prove otherwise!  

But not Chuck!  He doesn't even have to speak and people cooperate.  And with most VPs (not including bumbling Biden and Al Gorey) they are tougher than the Prez.  I'm not sure though how much tougher you can get than the Nug!  And let's be honest, the Nug doesn't need vetting.  I ain't asking him!  That being said, here's some stuff about Chuck:

The First Rule of Chuck Norris is:
You Do Not Talk About Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris did in fact build Rome in a day.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity -- twice.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself
in the back of the head.

 Chuck Norris uses a nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the Earth down.
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear it? Yes.
Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything.

Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully-loaded gun and won.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. 
Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth, then boils the water
 with his own rage.
Read more:

A few items on their agenda are as follows, in case you're interested:

a. Relations with Israel will improve immediately!  No foe will ever threaten them again with the Nug and Chuck leading the country.
b. Relations with Iran will improve immediately as well.   That wuss, Ahmadinejad won't know what hit him.
c. EPA leaving town will generate business for those struggling Airlines since it's one of the biggest buildings in DC. Plenty of bodies to fill every plane on the tarp. 
d. NRA will take over one chamber of Congress and dare Sheila Jackson Lee to open her trap.
e. Muslim Brotherhood? What Muslim Brotherhood?
f. Michelle will be back in the kitchen cooking cookies.  Her freezer will have plenty of chicken nuggets.  And only chicken nuggets.
g.  The only slap Charlie Rangal will get on his wrist is  one with handcuffs!
h.  Bill Maher's new job will be rounding up the hunting dogs for the Nug!

i.  Harry Reid's punishment for stalling every House bill these past two years will be as follows:   From morning to noon, he will be forced to watch reruns of George W. Bush speeches.  The rest of the day he will be forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh  and Sean Hannity.

j.   Our military will be well financed.  

k.  IDs will be required to vote.  Otherwise, you will be sent to the border.

Departments and Leaders:

Attorney General:  Dirty Harry
Secretary of Defense:  Jim Womack and the Militia!
White House Spokesman:  Glenn Beck
Speaker of the House:   Mark Levin
Senate Majority Leader:  Outlaw Josey Wales - even dead he's better than Reid!
Treasury Secretary:  Trump
Secretary of Energy:  TBD with someone from BIG OIL
Department of Labor:  Ben Stein
Fed Chairman:   Hermain Cain  9-9-9
White House Chief of Staff:  Sarah Palin (lipstick gun-toting mama grizzly)
White House Chief of Staff Assistant:  Sandra Fluke - Like Hotel California: "She can check in, but she can never leave." We will finally see if that Georgetown degree is worth anything.

White House's favorite blog:

That's all they shared with me for now.  Nug and Chuck had a prior committment to go kill a bear or two.   Sounds like a winner.   I'll add cabinet posts as the candidates decide.

Thanks for voting!



Randall Lee Yow said...

I see, after reading up, that Chuck Norris has the ability to cure cancer with his tears.

Maybe he could be persuaded to cry on Willard Romney's political career.

-Randall Lee Yow

Do you know Ted Nugent has multiple illegitimate children? So much for the sanctity of marriage!

Sheila Barber said...

At least we won't have any illegal aliens living off the land!

A friend just showed me the Rap with those lines. Cool.

Randall Lee Yow said...

I know it is a joke. I mean who would believe a political party would ever run an entertainer or an actor for the Presidency.

Oops, Reagan. Awkward!

Smile it is just a joke.


Dale Marks said...

I am about to die laughing! After the day I had that hit the spot.

Man what a ticket. I would love to work with that campaign .

Dale Marks said...

Democrats would never contemplate anything like that huh?......Oh wait, forgot about George Clooney.

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